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I was so content in who I was with him.
Why do Jews promote interracial dating? | Yahoo Answers
I posted photos of black love on every social media account and considered myself as part of a larger revolution. I wore Black Lives Matter buttons, attended marches, sported hoodies, vowed to date only black men, and prepared myself to raise a son who might be faced with a death in the same vein as Trayvon, a name I had spoken so often that it felt like that of a brother.
Our portrait was perfectly hung and constantly dusted for shine. But whenever he would call, I would let my phone ring until the screen went black. It was only a month later that it struck me that it was over. After nine months, my black savior, the neuroscientist, had broken up with me and left me with no words to cry over.
It felt too ironic; the first black man who I dated had left me in exactly the way that I feared. He had grown tired of letting me pretend, I realized. I cleaned myself up: I got a well-paying job; moved to the city; got my own apartment and painted it yellow and got plants to place on the windowsill. I avoided the letdown of a fantasy dying.
I joined Tinder on a whim to break the routine of eat, work, eat, sleep. I had stopped knowing who to count out at parties or open bars, and so I winged it. I found myself on a first date with a guy who was born and raised in Yonkers, with a family from El Salvador.
He told me that he had gotten out of a year relationship with the girl he thought he would marry and I told him that I had spent two years alone finding myself.
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We were open with each other; he had been warned to stay away from black girls, and I was advised to not date men of color. We stood on the head of our warnings every day as we got to know each other. Our conversations always started with why. I knew I was a far away from the Latina girls he was used to with silk hair, milk-toffee skin, and sharp tongues: I had forgotten how vulnerable it felt to be black in the apartment building lobby of a potential love.
I was eager to level up. Before every date I would always buy myself a new outfit or piece of clothing to impress him, as though being constantly new would distract from any shortcomings. I would stretch my hair every inch that I could, to make it appear longer.
Our relationship progressed quickly. The first term we used was exclusive. We got stared down in every bar that we entered, and approached with unsolicited offers for company, as though our relationship could only be sexual, as though we needed more than each other to be satisfied. These were the days that he learned how to hold me when I cried. We always felt halfway to a crime that we could never commit. We were two people of color, the passive transgression, but the responsibility of leaving our races still clung onto our chests.
We live together in a small studio in Chelsea, where we cook dinners and take showers.