The perfect age gap for partners is four years and four months - but only gap, with one in three saying they would date a man seven years older. expectations of family life and what parents, siblings and friends will think. I want to preface this by saying that obviously a four year age gap is all I know. There are a multitude of reasons why people space their. A year age difference isn't anything new. There was a time when five, seven, even 10 kids were common for a family and a team of older siblings cared for.
But is there an "ideal" age gap, as these comments implied?
4 year age gap between kids - What Do You Think? - Essential Baby
Anecdotally, at least, it seems that, in the UK, children born between two and three years apart are received with approving smiles. Less than that and the parents are to be pitied; more, and it is the children who get the sympathy. How to Survive Family Life, "In general, it is an absolute pain if you are a child and another one comes along, particularly if you are the first child.
It's a frightful shock to the system. You'll have a mental life, and a capacity to represent your thoughts to yourself. You're less likely to just be in the grip of your emotions. And, says James, "You'll also have the capacity to initiate relationships with anyone else who might be around - your father, for example.
There's a simple logic to it, really. Sylvia Vilona, 43, is a full-time mother who is expecting her ninth child this June. Seven of her children - Mariaclara, 21, Franceso, 16, Enrico, 13, Tecla, 9, Lorenzo, 6, Tommaso, 4 and Eugenia, 2 - live at home with the family in Ealing, west London. Twenty-year-old Giovanni, her second child, lives in a university hall of residence in north London. Her impressive maternal experience has led her to the conclusion that, while a close age gap between siblings can be arduous for the parents, it works well for the children.
When one began screaming, the other would start off.
On one occasion I needed to put Sam to bed and Layla wouldn't stop screaming. It got so bad that I strapped her in her high chair while I took Sam away for 10 minutes to put him to bed. I felt awful about it, but there was nothing I could do.
4 year age gap between kids
If I'd taken her with me, she would have just screamed in my arms and I'd never have got Sam to sleep. Sam is four, Layla two-and- a-half, and they're "great friends". Mendis, contrary to what professional psychologists say, holds that "You don't get such sibling rivalry when children are really close in age. Sam was so young when Layla was born that within a week he'd forgotten he was ever an only child.
When I get home from work, they squabble to get up on my lap. The first of my two younger sisters is two-and-a-half years my junior. Such was my fury at her arrival that - my mother now tells me - I actually stopped talking for a while.
Oliver James, who was 18 months old when another sibling arrived, says his "earliest memory is of falling off my parents' bed in rage at the birth of the baby. I broke my collarbone. And yet, of course, sibling rivalry - at the root of which, say psychologists, is the deep and absolutely natural desire of each child for the exclusive love of his parents - can cut both ways.
From their verbal sparring, they learn the difference between being clever and being hurtful.
Once your second baby has arrived, you suddenly have a newborn with all the regular demands to contend with but also another under one who still needs an awful lot of your attention and it could feel hard to split yourself in half to cater for both their needs all the time. Keeping the age gap small can also be a benefit for your time off work.
It can make sense for one parent to stay home for a period of time to be with the young children, and ease back into work once both are that bit older rather than going back to work after one only to be there a short time before off again with number two.
Cons Having two this close in age has similar issues to less than a year gap. You have the pressure of two young ones needing so much of your time and it can take its toll on a mum trying to achieve this. If your youngest is only 18 months old when your new baby arrives, you are pretty likely to have two lots of nappies to deal with on a daily basis.
Age gap between siblings: What works best?
Advertisement Two year age gap Pros This is often a popular age gap as your body has had time to recover from the first birth and you are more than likely not breastfeeding anymore or changing nappies, yet not far enough beyond it that it feels too hard to start it all over again. This age gap can be good for your eldest too as he will be getting to a more independent stage and not needing quite as much of your time, and may even be starting playgroup a few hours a week.
This is often quite a good age gap for practical reasons too such as passing down clothes and toys as well as having a ready-made nursery with cot and changing table all ready to be used again.
Cons It can be hard to explain to your toddler who is slap bang into the terrible twos that new addition is joining the family. Sibling rivalry will be at its height during their second year, so welcoming a sibling may not be entirely smooth running.
Three years and older Sibling rivalry may be minimised if you wait three years or more before having your second child. Your eldest has grown past the worst of this stage and will be old enough to understand what is going on, and can even be helpful when your new baby arrives.What's a 5-year age gap like between siblings?
A bigger age gap means each child has more one on one time with mum. Your eldest has had at least three years of you all to himself and is off exploring new challenges of nursery and school allowing you a bit more time to bond with your new baby without feeling your eldest is suffering.