Do phone calls come before or after the first date - dating onlinedating email | Ask MetaFilter
Hands up if you have hundreds of matches on dating apps who you've never But according to Erika Ettin, relationship coach and the founder of dating site A Little Nudge, this is just Don't take too long to arrange a date with someone you 're “A phone call only gives you a part of someone's personality. I had my first call with a man this week and we spoke on the phone for 2 hours! and explore whether your values and long-term vision align. After putting up a profile on one of the major dating sites a few days ago I've Do I ask them out on a date now, or is it normal to have a phone call (or .. We talked for two weeks before finally meeting (it took that long to meet.
But it was around the holidays and they didn't have a chance to meet for perhaps three weeks. Their first date was a intentionally long movie at his house. She was back home in 30 minutes.
So, that wouldn't be a good 'first impression' and I wouldn't want them to think I'm awkward!
But I know several people both guys and girls love to have have hour-long conversations before they meet, and already know they're definitely going to like the person before meeting them - which I guess is a big plus. I'm sure it's nice knowing what the person looks like AND knowing that you'll get along great. Other women who are more concerned about their safety than I am and probably wisely so will insist on phone calls before public meetings.
Sometimes I'll email someone dozens of times and trade IMs with them, all before we meet in person. Sometimes I'll email them twice, say 'hey, wanna grab coffee' and then we meet up. It's all kind of a crapshoot, and while you never want to be forcing the issue in any one direction, whatever the people involved are comfortable with is fine. However, don't talk a bunch of times - just enough to decide on whether to meet and when. But the phone conversation is an important step in the graduated-degrees-of-intimacy thing which is online dating - at least for me.
I always made a phone call a requirement before I'd go out with someone. It seemed like a better gauge of trustworthiness than email because they didn't have a chance to mull over and edit what they said. I met my husband online, and after a few emails he sent me HIS phone number and told me when he'd be available. This made me feel much more secure than if he'd asked for my number. I called him and I could tell right away that he was genuine. We talked for two weeks before finally meeting it took that long to meet only because we were miles apart and work was interfering.
I'm going to assume you're hetero here: I've heard of guys getting tricked by other men pretending to be women, so a phone call seems like a good way to weed those out at least the ones who are bad at acting.
Going From First Phone Call To First Date Every Time - Beyond Ages
I would not date anyone who refused to talk to me on the phone, even for a few minutes. I do basically exactly what sklar describes. A couple emails of some length 2. Offer up your phone number, say "can I call you and set up a time for us to hang out? Don't be rude but just say some funny shit and then set up time and place and say cool it'll be nice to meet you, peace out. Wear orange to the date. I think part of the reason I always steer things towards connecting on the phone first is, even though I HATE talking on the phone, it's probably best not to broadcast my various insecurities by avoiding that step.
I doubt anyone is ever like "Ew he wants to speak to my ear through a telephone he must be a weirdo! I usually wait til the second date to fill women in on my psychological grotesqueness and love of Goat Sacrifice.
I guess my confusion on this topic stems from the fact that to me, general chatty phone calls seem more intimate then meeting for coffee would be. To be clear, I am a "phone person", but the only people I talk on the phone with for non-logistics reasons are my close friends and family.
Given that, I think I really like tk's suggestion that you use the phone call to setup the logistics of the date, as that seems much less likely to be awkward then just "we should talk on the phone first", but still gives you some of the other ancillary benefits e. Thanks everybody for your advice! I'm a mid-twenties straight guy to answer someone else's comment. So in that way, it's a good way to see if you're compatible with someone. As there are coffee people and tea people and cat people and dog people, there are people who are okay with the phone and people who loathe the phone and don't see the point.
And yes, I know it's possible for a phone person and a non-phone-person to be compatible in other ways. My current boyfriend is certainly very much a phone person and I am the opposite of a phone person, and we manage. But we didn't meet online and I think if we would have met that way, or in a similar way with a lack of context, we would never have gotten together. Online dating puts all sorts of weird compatibility issues at the forefront, because there is not really much else to go on when you meet someone with no context.
Only one got through that stage to the "meet in person" round, and we are still together almost 4 years later. We talked for hours and hours on the phone for a couple weeks before we met. One time, I met a guy for coffee and immediately thought he was gay even if he wasn't, he was way too effeminate for my taste. We shared a polite 20 minutes of coffee and wished each other well. No harm done, little time wasted, next steps clear. Another time, another guy, it turned in to breakfast, then yes a hike with the dog, then he cooked me dinner and we talked for hours.
That was 10 years ago. How did you leave the last conversation?
- Golden Rules For Phone Calls
In most of my online-dating experience, most people kind of hate the phone part my god, I would happily go from email to in person and not do the phone AT ALL and use it only as polite "next step" before the In Person meeting. Why aren't you guys moving toward meeting? That would be insane. Text him when you would text a new friend. Try to remind yourself that this is not that big a deal.
You might not even like him when you meet him. I agree that you should cut to the chase, though. And be aware that there WILL be guys who want to yada yada yada endlessly without asking you out -- I once exchanged emails with a guy in my city who emailed me like ten times and then announced he wanted to SKYPE before we met. That's a waste of everyone's time, in my opinion.
So get the show on the road! Personally, I always suggest a cocktail, but that's because I like a little liquid courage and the lighting in Starbucks is terrible. Maybe he's trying not to sound desperate, and so is waiting for your call. Maybe he really just happens to be busy the rest of today. The only way to find out is to call him. Do not overthink this. This will resolve the vast majority of your concerns, one way or another. This being and notyes, it's okay nay, desirable, especially if he's done all the initiating so far for you to initiate a conversation.
A good time, in my experience, is about pm on a weeknight. People have had time to get home from work, started to relax, etc. To make it even lower pressure, I might text rather than call. Weekdays during work hours are not as good because, well, work: You can't at this stage, but I think it's highly unlikely that he's doing either of the latter two things if he's on a 'serious' dating site. But if he doesn't want to make a firm time to meet for a coffee within the next week or so, and there are no mitigating circumstances e.
You don't have to refues to take his calls ever again or something, but don't drag out the chatting and emailing until you are emotionally invested in someone you've never met.
Golden Rules For Phone Calls - AskMen
Guaranteed ways to ruin this? Guaranteed ways to ruin this, if it's 'meant to be', that a normal, sane person might accidentally do? Honestly, I used to think that if I just handled everything perfectly 'right', it would make a huge difference to the outcome. That said, one thing NOT to do is be someone who is not yourself.
See my latest Ask for details.
There is no reason why you shouldn't be on that dating site right now talking to other potentials. You and this guy are not exclusive yet.
Going From First Phone Call To First Date Every Time
Maybe after a few dates you'll have the conversation about taking down your dating profiles, but you're not at that stage at this point. Want to meet for coffee this week? In the meantime, there's nothing wrong with continuing the online process with, as hazyjane says, other potentials. Just tell him you want to go out. You guys are the bomb. I gave it a reasonable amount of time okay, maybe an hourmade excuses for him "well, he's probably at work. And that kinda sucked.
But then again, like I said, he doesn't talk much. Which might kinda make meeting immediately a little tricky. I'm not afraid of LDRs - been there, done that - but I need to not be frustrated by lack of communication.
I'm already frustrated by his lack of enthusiasm and it's only been a week. I don't want to be tolerated. The next day he said "Oh, yeah. Time to go back to your school days and start taking some notes. Read through her profile again and list out a few things including: What To Write Down Questions about interesting things in her profile Any recent travel she has had Favorite foods or restaurants This is going to be your backup list in-case the conversation stalls.
If you reach a point in the conversation where you both go quiet you can pull one of the topics of conversation from your list. While you are at it, write her name at the top of the list. That should prevent you from repeating a less than ideal blunder that I once made… You should also list out a few interesting or funny stories about yourself to weave into the conversation.
One or two is great to keep her interested and laughing. If the conversation is going great without them feel free to save them for the first date. Without any body language to read, all of your communication has to be verbal. A simple message like this is ideal: Give me a call when you get this.
My number is xxx-xxx. The Conversation The actual conversation itself should be fun and playful. You want to keep it fairly light, tease her a bit, and get know each other. Try not to get into any controversial topics or anything too deep if you can help it. The whole goal of this conversation is to make sure she is worth meeting in person and setting up the date.
The entire call should be minutes tops.