25 Samantha Jones Quotes On SATC That Are Pure Gems
It's twenty years since Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, Miranda et al joined the Sex and the City fist aired - these are our favourite quotes from the show . After hearing that Charlotte caught her date kissing another woman – whilst still on the date: .. Sex And The City · Kim Cattrall · Cynthia Nixon · Kristen Davis · Sarah. 10 Sex and the City quotes that prove Samantha Jones is the goddess and Samantha Jones can be regarded as the high priestess of sass. The dating world can get pretty scary, but it's nothing Carrie, Charlotte, Samantha Jones. 7. All quotes thanks to the HBO original series "Sex and the City".
And I'll take what, Annoying Bride? Tell me what you think. There's no time for purses! What's your theme again? Don't Ask, Don't Tell[ edit ] Miranda: I'm just saying, as a lawyer—a partner, no less—I got zero dates, and as a stewardess, I got one for tomorrow night.
I believe the correct term is "flight attendant". Not if you wanna get laid. Honey, it doesn't matter what you say you do. It's how you say it. For example, "I'm in PR". You haven't slept with him yet? Honey, before you buy the car, you take it for a test drive! I wanted to save myself until we got married. But, sweetie, you're not a virgin.
Well, I am in this relationship, and I think it's romantic. Yeah, it's romantic until he can't figure out where to put it in. Escape from New York[ edit ] Charlotte: So how are you? I told Aidan about the affair and he broke up with me.
Trey and I never had sex on our honeymoon. So, should we get more coffee or should we get two guns and kill ourselves? I've got something to make you feel better.
Kim Cattrall: Samantha Jones
Dildos before 10 am. I'm all perked up. My friend went to California. All I got was this lousy dildo.
“Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with.”
Could you please put these back wherever they came from? No one cares if your egg whites have a side of cock. Sex and Another City[ edit ] Miranda: Does she look like a year-old frat boy? Nothing surprises me anymore.
Apparently, in LA, house-sitters are somebodies and New York writers are prostitutes. Oh, sweetie, you're at least a high-class escort. Hot Child in the City[ edit ] Samantha: Are you in pain? I'm in pain just looking at you.
I'm a year-old woman with braces, and I'm on a liquid diet. Pain doesn't begin to cover it. And suddenly I see you—a pirate in buckskins, a prince in disguise. And that's when you pull me off my unicorn. You tear away my gossamer petticoats, and you put your Schooner deep inside my Rebecca. I can't do this.
I'm a respected surgeon. They're starting to die on us. Well, at least you weren't stood up. We should just give up now. Well, on the bright side, this could explain why they don't call back. This is why I don't work out. We've been trying, you know, to And it's just not Getting big and hard?
What is this, dirty Mad Libs? I'm married, I can't be looking at gardeners! Honey, what's the point of being in the suburbs if you're not gonna fuck a gardener?
I came here today because I needed to say how sorry I am. I am deeply sorry for what I did to you. It was wrong, and I'm sorry. Thank you for listening. I'm sorry about it all. I'm sorry he moved to Paris and fell in love with me. I'm sorry that we ever got married. I'm sorry he cheated on me with you, and I'm sorry that I pretended to ignore it for as long as I did.
I'm sorry I found you in my apartment, fell down the stairs and broke my tooth. I'm very sorry that after much painful dental surgery, this tooth is still a different color than this tooth. Finally, I'm sorry that you felt the need to come down here. Now, not only have you ruined my marriage, you've ruined my lunch.
Cock a Doodle Do! Women sit around obsessing about what went wrong over and over, and men just say "all righty" and then move on. I take offense at that generalization. Not all women sit around and obsess about men. As soon as my relationships are over, I move on. Girl, I'm trying to get rid of one! The Agony and the 'Ex'-tacy[ edit ] Woman at party: Oh, what a beautiful wedding ring! Oh, um, he's not here. We're actually taking some time apart. We're separated—not legally separated, nothing legal, oh, God, no!
We're just taking some time to figure things out. We got married really fast—love at first sight, didn't think it through. So, now we're talking and trying to figure out what he—actually, we, he and I—really want. We love each other so much, but that doesn't always mean a marriage is working, does it? No, it does not. We had some problems, in the bedroom.
But it was more about the fact that we got married so fast. So, now we're just talking and trying to figure things out—just talking, nothing physical. I think it's better if we just talk.
So, we are talking until we figure it all out. So, no, he's not here. Samantha, your face is glowing. Did you get a facial or something? I masturbated all afternoon. Well, two, two and a half hours. Who's got that kind of time? I like to get in and get out. Well, I enjoy a quickie every now and then too, but when it's good like today, I go with it.
I masturbated to my priest. Okay, I think we might have to get Charlotte a crash helmet. You have a priest?! No, no, no, no. She wants him, but she can't have him. It's all very Thorn Birds. In my fantasy he tears the food I'm carrying for the homeless out of my arms, rips open my dress, lays me down in the street and enters me. What do you do for the next two hours and 20 minutes? You're talking about a priest!
I can masturbate to whomever I like. It's fun and perfectly healthy. The Real Me[ edit ] Charlotte: I think it's ugly. Well, maybe that's why it's depressed! Oh, who cares what you are! No, I need to know where we're going. Yes, we'd like to know where you're going as well, since evidently you'll be having sex there.
I just left "silent Y" in the bathroom. What's Sex Got to do With It? I'm tired of being married to your penis. And this is supposed to be a relationship! Ooooooo, don't talk about moving in, in front of the penis cause it might go soft.
Your mother decorated this entire apartment, didn't she. Mother does all our houses. I should have known. The plaid, and the mallards You don't like them? It's like we live in the Museum of Natural Ugliness! You call this a relationship? Well, it's tedious and the sex is dwindling, so from what I've heard, YES! Baby, Talk is Cheap[ edit ] Charlotte: I promise I won't become one of those mothers who can only talk about diaper genies. How did this happen?
How did they get the message that the ass is now on the menu? I bet there's one loud-mouthed guy who found some woman who loved it and told everyone 'women LOVE this! Who is this guy? Who's the woman who loved it? Don't knock it 'till you've tried it! Time and Punishment[ edit ] Samantha: We have to run to Helga the Hot Waxer every other week, but them?
How would they like it if we told them to shape their hedge, trim their trunk? I'm sorry, we are talking about gardening, aren't we? I got to thinking about relationships and partial lobotomies: My Motherboard, My Self[ edit ] Samantha: I've lost my orgasm.
What do you mean, 'lost'? I just spent the last two hours fucking with no finale. Sometimes you just can't get there. I can always get there.
Every time you have sex? Please say you're exaggerating. Well, I'll admit I have had to polish myself off once or twice, but yes! Those flowers were supposed to say "We're so sorry, we love you," not "You're dead, let's disco"! Sex and the Country[ edit ] Trey: If we miss the orchid show she'll be devastated. Then I guess we'll just have to have sex at your mother's. People having sex in Connecticut? There's a first time for everything. The only way to get anything to eat in the country is to make it yourself I'm in no mood for Bisquick!
Belles of the Balls[ edit ] Miranda: Men — wait, let me rephrase that — some men Disgusted Muslim men crowd around and Samantha brashly responds that what they were viewing were indeed condoms and that she 'has sex'. Samantha has to be pulled away by her fearful friends. They are helped by impressed Muslim women in traditional wear, who let them into their home and reveal that they're wearing Louis Vuitton collection underneath. The Muslim women aid the girls in escaping the souk by giving them full-body niqabs to cover their identity.
At the end of the movie Samantha has sex with Rikhard in "the land of the free and home of the hormones", at an East Hampton sand dune. The Carrie Diaries[ edit ] In the second season of the prequel series, Samantha is introduced as Carrie's enemy Donna Ladonna's cousin and is portrayed by Lindsey Gort.
In the second episode of the second season, she said that she came from the Evergladesand that she used to have alligator overturned by car for breakfast. Relationships[ edit ] Samantha's main love is men—many of them.
She never lets the men stay for long, usually requiring them to leave "an hour after [she] climaxes". One of her sexual antics includes making a sex-tape to disprove tabloids' claims that she is a fag hag. She once said that she frequently loses underwear because she leaves them at the guys' places and never returns. She even slept with her good friend Charlotte's brother, prompting an angry Charlotte to call Samantha's vagina "the hottest spot in town: Samantha rarely dates men more than once or twice.
She does have a few "serious" relationships throughout the run of the series. James[ edit ] Samantha meets a man named James James Goodwin in a jazz bar at the end of season one. Unusually for Samantha, she doesn't have sex with him immediately, taking a leaf instead from Charlotte's book, because she felt he was a man she would marry. After declaring that she was in love with him, the two finally have sex, only for Samantha to discover that James was seriously under-endowedto the point where she could not enjoy sex.
In the last episode of season one, "Oh Come All Ye Faithful" she tells Carrie, Charlotte, and Miranda that he is only three inches long when hard, and that she doesn't even receive any pleasure out of giving him a blowjob because his penis is so small. Though she tries to work through it, she eventually ends things with him when they attend a couples' counseling session.
She confesses she is unable to feel someone as small as a baby carrot, to which he replies angrily by saying that maybe her vagina is too big. In a funny counterpoint to her predicament with James, in the second-season episode "Ex and the City," Samantha meets Mr.
Too Big, who warns her of his huge endowment as he undresses. Samantha squeals with delight as the story segues to another character. Later in the episode, when Samantha reappears, she is slowly guiding Mr. Too Big between her legs. After much hesitation, she seems to finally relax while drawing him in she thinksonly to be asked if he can start.
A shocked and fearful Samantha pushes him away with her foot on his chest and begs off the encounter. At the end of this episode she unexpectedly yells "I miss James! The girls are completely shocked by this, more so that she is in a relationship than the fact that it's with a woman.
Charlotte proclaims, "She's not a lesbian, she probably just ran out of men! Samantha feels she is not a relationship person, and she initially only wants to be friends with Maria. Maria tells Samantha she cannot continue being just friends with her, and Samantha decides to take a chance and kisses Maria. Samantha seems intrigued about learning the act of pleasing another woman, thus learning more about her own sexuality. Once the sex begins to dwindle and they spend a lot of time talking, Samantha begins to tire of their relationship.
Maria also becomes upset when Samantha's sexual past catches up with them. Samantha ultimately misses men too much and, although Maria decides to try strap-on dildosthe two break up due to Maria's belief that Samantha has "intimacy issues".
Though the two seemed well-matched, as they are both confident, highly successful, and like sleeping around and are uninterested in relationships, Samantha finds herself becoming increasingly attached to Richard.
20 'Sex and the City' quotes that are actually solid dating advice | GMA
The two eventually commit to a monogamous relationship. However, Samantha is heart broken when she catches him cheating on her. Despite giving Richard a second chance, she decides to end the relationship when she realizes she doesn't trust him.Sex and the City - Funny Samantha quotes
In the last season, she runs into Richard while out at a party with her new boyfriend, Smith, and Samantha and Richard go upstairs to have sex. During intercourse, Samantha is seen looking uninterested and pained at being with Richard.
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Smith waits for her downstairs, knowing what she has done, and she breaks down in his arms, apologizing to him. She later returns to the restaurant alone, with the sole mission of taking him home; she succeeds, outlasting numerous other women who are there for the same purpose.
At first it seems he is to be just another notch on her bedpost, and she doesn't even know his name, referring to him as "Smith" to her Jones in elaborate sexual scenarios they enact.
They have adventurous, "out-of-the-box" sex, which Samantha finds exciting and refreshing. She is turned off by learning anything personal about him, such as that he is a recovering alcoholic.
But she finds she is enjoying her time with him so much that she keeps seeing him. Seeing that he is broke and struggling, Samantha uses her PR skills to jump-start Jerry's modeling and acting career, and, once she learns his birth name Jerry Jerrodchanges it to Smith Jerrod. Samantha likes that he is not intimidated by her success in contrast to Carrie's ex-boyfriend, Jack Bergerand with her assistance, he quickly becomes a celebrity.
He first gains attention when he models naked in an Absolut Vodka ad in Times Squarein which he appears as the "Absolut Hunk". Reluctant at first to admit she cares about him, Samantha misses him while he is on location. Smith returns from his film and shows her true affection, which Samantha finds unsettling. As she explains to Carrie, he tried to do something purely perverse to her in public: She ends up deliberately humiliating him by hooking up with her ex-flame Richard at a party she went to with Smith.
After a quick bout of clearly meaningless sex with Richard, during which he talks about himself, Samantha seeks out Smith, who has been waiting for her to realize she made a mistake and come back.
She tearfully confesses that she hates what she just did to him.