11 Non-Sexual Ways To Increase The Intimacy In Your Relationship | Thought Catalog
Subscribe to the Dating, Relationships, & Intimacy Tips Newsletter. Tips and ideas to help you with dating, love, relationships, intimacy and sexuality. Be sure to. If you have children, it is important to schedule a date night or alone . on and follow the ten tips below to create the emotional intimacy you. Having a fear of intimacy is common for human beings, and a strong part of the way we're wired. But working through this fear is totally.
When we first meet, every date is an adventure, carefully planned for maximum effect. Remember that when you want to have wild passion the most important element is new-ness and surprise. Create a complete scenario, that includes something new, something out of your habitual ways, something that stimulates both conversation and opens your bodies and hearts. Create a Sacred Space. Put some creation into the space you are going to be intimate in.
Just setting the space gets you out of the old habits. You can induce a state by creating a sacred space. This does not have to mean special linens, candles and music, even though that never hurts. It could be just turning various electronic devices off, making sure you are uninterrupted and having a shower or bath to end the workday.
If you are playing with new flavors or experimenting you might go all out and decorate. Or go away to a different location… or nature… the options are unlimited. Michaela Boehm, Intimacy Teacher - www. It is a lack of intimacy that breaks relationships apart. This defining factor separates friendship from a spouse, lover, partner, etc.
Intimacy is essential in keeping your relationship healthy and successful. The main characteristic of intimacy is an emotional connection.
What does connection mean? It shows that your partner will be there for you, and you can count on them. It provides a level of dependability. Sue Johnson shows if you have this connection in your relationship, all other matters can be sorted out. The most common complaint I hear from women is that they are lonely. Loneliness is a red flag and signals a weak connection in a relationship.
EFT, or Emotionally Focused Therapy, is one of the most empirically proven modalities in the field of marriage counseling. It is based on attachment theory and states that humans are hard-wired to bond with only a few people. We need to be able to trust and depend on these people.
Sue Johnson, the founder of EFT, the strongest indicator of whether a relationship will last is how emotionally connected and responsive partners are with each other. This means happiness in a relationship directly correlates to the connection you share. Intimacy, or connection, is created when we are fully open and show vulnerability with a partner.
This can be alarming, but it is extremely rewarding! One way to promote this is to be present and non-judgmental. Empathy brings people closer together. Do you remember what it feels like to fall in love? We share everything with our new found love, including an excitement to learn about each other. Being understood and accepted are key factors in creating a bond.
Dating, Love & Intimacy: Tips from the Kids
Does your partner get you at the core? Do they understand what motivates you and what causes you stress? Do they understand the way you need to be loved? Without this understanding, you are bound to feel lonely and lost.
A feeling of connection and disconnection is normal in any relationship. The secret to a successful relationship is understanding how to re-connect. Often one partner must put aside their anger and choose to take responsibility for the sake of the relationship. Discussions about hurt feelings etc. Try spending quality time together without children and have fun. You have to spend time together to connect. In fact, I often advise couples to stop talking about their problems and start having fun again.
The cause of fighting is often due to a feeling of being rejected or abandoned. You are always playing golf. It is hard to write an article about intimacy and not touch on sex. Sex is a vital part of a romantic relationship. So, why do many couples end up in my office who have not had sex in years? It is because they have lost their emotional connection. Research shows by improving your connection, your sex life will naturally follow suit. What an incredible benefit!!
Love is about tuning into someone else. So, pull up your antenna and be the best partner you can be! Alana Rothschild, MA - www. Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. Soften So many ingredients make the soup of intimacy: But we can feel it some of the time. This sounds easy, right?
When one partner does this, the other tends to follow. Then, the two suddenly find themselves in the same cozy if temporary space: I notice that when women soften on a regular basis, over time, it feeds a permanent safe zone to which we can return again and again. Our partners crave this as much as we do.
Deborah Cox — www. Try slowing things down In the 20 years that I have been counseling single women, not once did I observe a relationship fall apart because the couple waited too long to have sex.
However, I have seen dozens and dozens fall apart because the couple had sex too soon. Often women have the idea that quick sex is going to lead to a relationship. You kiss and touch and the level of intensity is ratcheted way up. However, having sex before you actually know the person you are having sex with, is the quickest way for ensure that a relationship goes nowhere.
There are no real short cuts in life or in relationships.
If you want to get to know someone well and build up true intimacy, you really need to do it the old fashioned way. Go on a date, ask them about themselves, talk about yourself. Get to know each other at a slower, more natural paced way. The other important thing to consider is that sex is significantly better with someone who you know and who you have a relationship with. The women who find themselves having sex very early on, usually complain that the sex is lousy. So if you are someone who has had trouble connecting and building intimacy in a relationship - try slowing things down.
A good yardstick about when to take the relationship to a deeper, physical level is when you are assured of having another phone call and another date.
If you are still at the stage when you don't know if you are every going to see the guy again, bringing sex into the equation tends to hurt much more than it helps. Maintain a healthy balance of strength and femininity The first consideration is that looking to a man to make you strong is the myth to bust, it makes sense, and one would hope, however the reality is, that men look to women for strength of character, intimacy, health and bonding.
Therefore, women would ideally embrace learning how to nurture the strength they embody and maintain a healthy balance of strength and femininity that men are innately drawn to. The ways to potentially strengthen this aspect of the self, is to create a healthy self care plan, including eating for nutrition, getting appropriate hours of sleep, regular strength training exercise as well as mindfulness practice, including meditation or some kind of spiritual work whatever is comfortable for the womanhelp oriented work, or work that creates healthy strong outcomes, and building consistent mastery of trying something new daily.
These are practices that create a healthy foundation for her and embrace qualities and strength that only she can nurture. Once the foundation is being consistently tended to, she can then give to another and receive from her man his qualities of strength and intimacy, which can create a healthy relationship that is designed for longevity.
Both partners, give and take, meaning there is a balance of reciprocal exchange, neither is a rescuer or an enabler of the other being weak, or less strong. Communicate your needs and feelings clearly From my own past personal experience and my work with clients, I see communication as one of the biggest areas for improvement in intimacy. When needs and feelings go unspoken, especially over long periods of time, fertile ground is created for misunderstanding and feelings of hurt between the two precious people in a relationship.
Examples of what commonly results from not communicating our needs and feelings are: Communicating our needs and feelings clearly is actually a skill that many of us never learned, but you can learn!
Instead of communicating needs and feelings clearly, many women: Take a moment to tune in to your own patterning- how do you tend to suppress or inappropriately express your needs and feelings?
If you can, also tune in to why you tend to suppress or inappropriately express them? Do you suppress because you are afraid that you will be disappointed with the response that you receive from him when you tell him how you really feel? Or were you taught through your upbringing that it is inappropriate and burdensome to others when you speak up?
What behavior was modeled for you in this department by your own mother or mother figure? And when I say respectful, I mean respectful to your partner not accusatory or demanding AND, very importantly, I also mean respectful to yourself. To listen to our body and heart when they tell us what we truly need and feel, and then to communicate this to our intimate partner, is an act of honoring our self that grows our beauty as women every single time we do it.
Because we tend to be highly intuitive, women communicate a lot with one another through body language, passive implication and even tone of voice. Get clear about the need or feeling that you want your partner to understand. Before you bring it to the table with your partner, get clear on what your core need or statement to him is.
Make sure you are simply preparing to express your own feelings or a need that wants to be fulfilled, and that you are not actually getting ready to off-load your feelings by accusing him of something. These guidelines are great preparation for you to say what you need and feel with clarity and with room for your partner to respond in a way that is true for him.
If you are expressing yourself clearly and without a tone of demand, and you consistently feel that your requests are neglected or that your partner is dis-interested in hearing them, it is probably an issue that good communication will not fix.
Some men and women too of course are unwilling to listen to, appreciate, honor and acknowledge the needs of their partner or other people in their life. As difficult as it may be, I encourage you to ask yourself if this is the type of person you would like to spend your life with.
In many ways, these guidelines only scratch the surface of healthy communication in relationship. But, if you follow them you really will avoid many of the traps that lead us to feel un-seen and un-heard, and possibly hurt or even resentful. You will also start to feel the transformative effect that clear communication creates in partnership, which is increased intimacy and the wonderful knowing that you are supported and loved.
I cannot over-state how poor communication can cause distrust, resentment, and a trepidation to speak honestly between partners. Especially when a man has been exposed to emotional outbursts, accusations and demands from his partner, will he grow guarded and distant from the woman who desperately wants him to come closer. One time that you can express your needs clearly and with spaciousness for him to respond truthfully, and you have already gained a large amount of his trust and intimacy back.
Two times, three times that you can do it, and you are truly beginning to build a relationship that can hold deep intimacy, trust and security. Follow the 7 steps to intimacy Let me begin with a confession.
Today, just having made it past the 11th Wedding Anniversary with my beloved husband, I am now willing to offer some tentative insights. In addition to my own personal testimony, I propose 7 steps to intimacy grounded in my research as a social anthropologist on a relationship-centered model of healing and transformation that my colleagues and I share in Living Deeply: Answer the Call to Genuine Intimacy The yearning we feel for intimacy can be a profound wakeup call.
It is an invitation to engage in what gives us true meaning and purpose. The best first step in a deep and lasting relationship is to discover who you are and what gives you genuine joy. From this place, you prepare yourself to fully enter a relationship as your most authentic self.
See with new eyes.
Reverse patterns you have long held—the path you walk on or the time of day you eat. Take sacred time for yourself so that you can learn new things and meet new people. What do you want to bring to your relationship and how do you want to be met by another? Engage in Transformative Practices Build practices that open you and your partner to transformation. This involves 5 elements. Set intention to live in love and intimacy.
Building Intimacy When Dating
Pay attention to what you say and do, giving more and expecting less in order to find a perfect and respectful balance. Build new habits of being together in ways that support your personal and relational growth; put reminders around your home and office that help you remember your true intentions for intimacy. Seek guidance from trusted others, such as reading books and blogsattending classes with experts, and taking personal time to seek your own inner guidance through silence, mediation, time in nature—alone and together.
And fifth, practice acceptance. No one and nothing is perfect, and therein lies potential for gratefulness about what is so, rather than what we think it should be. Life is Practice Shifts in how you view yourself and your partner affect all aspects of your daily experiences. While your intimate relationship may seem separate from the rest of your life, it provides the grounding for how you engage with others at work and at play.
Learning to find deep and authentic connections throughout the day informs what you bring to the table during your intimate moments at home, and impacts your sense of well-being and helps you polish any rough edges that get in the way of how you can be with each other—even during tough times. Move to We — While Keeping a Healthy Me Genuine intimacy is a transpersonal experience that transports you beyond your own ego. You may begin to dissolve boundaries, transcend fears about intimacy, and move smoothly into a place of interconnectedness.
At the same time, the more you embrace true intimacy, the more you can be authentic. You can fully show up with deep appreciation for what you and your beloved each bring to your relationship. In this process, you can find a lasting love that rests in contentment and clear purpose.
Go deep into intimacy Honoring the transformative process allows you to see your relationship as sacred. With practice, you can gain glimpses of the divine in your time together—and with that foundation—in your work in the world. The light of your love can fill the world, impacting each moment of each day. Staying awake and aware of your intimacy can ripple out into all aspects of who you are and what you want to be, both individually and as a couple.
Treating your relationship with reverence offers you something to cherish and preserve, minute by minute and day by day. Connect, Engage, Stay Active The benefits of genuine intimacy go beyond yourself and your partner. Finding common goals, being of service to others, reaching out to family and friends, can serve to ground your relationship.
If your relationship is just a floating cloud, protected in a bubble away from the world, you may miss out on the true gifts of intimacy that involve sharing your blessings.
Together and in the company of others, you can fully embrace the mystery and adventures that give our lives true purpose and meaning. Why settle for less? After being in many failed relationships throughout my early adult years, looking back, it is so easy for me to pin point exactly why they failed.
Although I was very quick to point the finger and blame who ever I was with at the time for the relationship not working out, and although we both played a part, it is knowing what I know now, that has changed my relationship with my soul mate. Hind sight is such a beautiful thing, and when you can look back and LEARN from past mistakes and grow, your relationships and life in general will flourish. Here at 3 steps you can start today, to build intimacy in your relationship with your significant other.
Strengthen the relationship with yourself first This goes back to my very first point I mentioned above. You cannot give love, if you don't feel it yourself. This is also why my past relationships failed. Instead, I was riddled with fear, insecurity, and a failing relationship with myself. My relationships were a direct reflection of how I treated myself. And I only had myself to blame for the outcome. Look in the mirror. At your own reflection. Do you love and accept who you are? When your cup is full, only then can you give.
Take responsibility for how you are showing up How are you showing up in the relationship? If your relationship is lacking intimacy, firstly you need to address this with your partner. Have you ever even asked your partner what intimacy even means to them?
Instead of pointing the finger at your partner, take responsibility for how YOU are showing up. What are you grateful for about your partner? When you are annoyed, frustrated, upset or angry with your partner, the last thing you feel like doing is being intimate, right? Remember just like you, your partner just wants to be appreciated and loved. In fact, the number one thing humans crave is connection.
When you find yourself annoyed and upset with your partner, flip it. Remind yourself WHY you love them, and all the things they do bring to the relationship. Instantly this will change everything. Alissa Buttiglieri, Coach, Speaker — www. Cultivate playfulness When a relationship is new and you're falling in love, building intimacy with your man can be one of the most exciting roller coaster rides of your life.
However, as the infatuation inevitably wanes and you become more comfortable with one another, you may worry that the closeness you felt during the honeymoon phase is fading. Each time you ask him to share more of himself, it seems to drive him further and further away.
- Are you emotionally available for love?
- 11 Non-Sexual Ways To Increase The Intimacy In Your Relationship
Instead of asking him to share his feelings, try introducing more playfulness into your relationship. If he feels comfortable showing you his fun and silly side, it will be easier for him to open up and be vulnerable with you about his emotions. Playfulness can bring down walls, defenses, and inhibitions, allowing for a deeper connection to be made. Play evokes positive emotions that can help you neutralize conflict, soothe tension, and weather adversity, thus giving your relationship a deeper bond and more staying power.
To cultivate playfulness in your relationship, try the following tips: Instead, show that you can laugh at yourself. Plan adventures and shared experiences. Instead of your usual date spots, get a change of scenery and do something new together. Take an archery class, crash a hotel hot tub, plan a surprise weekend trip, or picnic in a treehouse.
Join him in his favorite hobby fishing, golf, surfing, etc. Get flirty and sexy. Kristi Allain, Dating Coach — www. Follow the 3 steps Women yearn to create strong and intimate bonds with the men in their lives but often struggle to make it all happen. It just takes three simple steps to make it all happen. Recognize Control Ask yourself if you have had any significant disappointments in your past.
Perhaps you had a previous divorce, a rough childhood, or a traumatic past event in your life. This, of course, is untrue. The more you control, the less intimacy you will achieve with the man in your life.
To create strong intimacy with your man, you have to start to trust him. Let go of manipulation and domination. Expect that not everything will work out just as you want.
Instead, anticipate the best outcome. If something goes wrong, trust your man to tackle the problem with you instead. Do Something Different Change is simple. You can choose to act differently despite your need to control and despite your fear of vulnerability.
Give it a try. Give up control for a month and take a risk with being vulnerable, and see what happens. I realize completing all three steps can be scary. But consider the alternative. If you expect a negative response, you will probably get one.
Because you don't think your man will live up to your expectations? So do something different, no matter what your fear tells you. Kat Peoples — www. Schedule time for intimacy A little can go a long way. It can feel stressful to create an intimate marriage; schedules, work, kids, parents, social obligations and the rest of life require our attention leaving intimacy at the bottom of the list.
See intimacy as a requirement just as you see your other priorities. This may seem unromantic but planning to put aside time for this important part of your life is effective. Scheduling dates to see your friends and to get together with family is the way we stay connected and maintain and nurture our many relationships. These events are scheduled and anticipated with eagerness. Borrowing this behavior and applying it to your relationship can have a tremendous impact on the strength of your connection with your significant other.
Recognize that the planning is simply a tactical strategy and unrelated to the spontaneity of the actual event. By maintaining this perspective you can remove the sense that planned intimacy feels forced or lacks authenticity.
Any type of connection can be scheduled; date night, watching a favorite show together at home, a weekend away, driving together to do weekly errands, sex, massages the list can go on.
What is most important is that you simply adopt the strategy to schedule connection. The small connection points are just as important as the more significant ones. Determine what makes your relationship most enjoyable and schedule experiences into your week. You will increase the connection in your relationship and strengthen its bond for the long term.
It takes courage to be imperfect and compassion to connect with imperfection Without emotional intimacy there is no joy in a relationship. Share your full selves with each other. Be open, honest, express what you want and need. We need to belong, to experience meaning and purpose with each other. Vulnerability is necessary for intimacy, for belonging, for connection with others. Shame is the fear of isolation, disconnection, of not being accepted and loved as we are. There is no one more worthy of love than you.
None of us is perfect; yet it takes courage to be imperfect and compassion to connect with imperfection. Likewise, it may die if you force it forward too fast, making yourself too vulnerable too quickly. Think of the task as one of landing a rocket on the moon. If you come in too fast with too much acceleration you'll crash land.
If you don't accelerate enough however, you'll remain in orbit and never get down. You have to modulate how much information you share with your partner at any given moment so as to keep your interaction both playful and serious.
Emotional intimacy takes some time to develop, but these days, this is not necessarily the case for sexual intimacy. People vary quite extensively in how quickly they are willing to become sexual with each other.
Some feel comfortable having sexual relations early on, while others feel that a long getting-to-know-each-other period is in order before it is right become sexual. Though many people do choose to take their time before becoming fully sexual with a new partner, they will commonly take some steps early on such as kissing their partner to inform their partner of their sexual attraction so that the proper context will be set for the relationship.
The speed with which you personally may feel comfortable becoming sexual with a new partner will likely be influenced by many factors including your age, sexual experience, beliefs about what your similar-age peers would do in your situation, attitudes towards sex and your general cultural and religious values. As sexual relations with a new partner do put people at some physical, social and emotional risk, all people should proceed towards new sexual relationships with caution, and young people especially should take their time and not rush into anything.
Practice safe sex while dating. Consider that your partner will have likely had other partners recently and that he or she may possibly have one or more sexually transmitted diseases STDs. Consider also that your partner may be motivated more or less exclusively by sexual motives and may therefore be willing to lie to you in order to get you into bed.
This may be true of both male and female partners.